Found this and had to post it

Oh sweet mystery; yes mystery I think to myself — at least this sense, almost experience, yes even experience, that I can sense mystery – this is the closest I may get to God, the closest I or anyone ever gets to God. And sitting there in that solitude, the woods enveloping, the silence such that my heart may have been the loudest sound; a feeling almost like I was going to cry — but I wouldn’t. And still I sat there fixed on the ants; fixed upon the desolate, confused, disrupted nature at my feet — and trying to deal with this as insight or inspiration or just an observation it had taken eighteen years to make.

For moments before I had been so casually, so absently watching the ants. The dropped pieces of the small sticks that one after another I was breaking had brought my attention to a nest of ants. Now ants are quite fascinating — complex really. I wasn’t an ant expert by any stretch, but I knew that ants as individuals were specialized, that they communicated, that they had workers, and soldiers, and a queen I think. And in the complex underground ant city they stored and raised and built and reproduced and lived and died.

To this day I don’t know why I did it. Why in an instant I did it. Well perhaps I do. Perhaps it was the anger impulse; the quick lash out; but it wasn’t thoughtfully intentional at all and I had a tinge of regret. I had stomped out that anthill. Big deal – many a time I must have trod an anthill and never knew about it. But this time was different. And as I watched the ants run here and there, seemingly confused and startled; that is when this notion came into my mind. I wonder what those ants thought just happened. I bet that if those ants got their smartest and wisest ants together and tried for a hundred years to figure out what happened, that they couldn’t. In an instant all the work of hundreds of diligent ants had been wiped out. They might develop theories and have opinions and beliefs and all sorts of ideas — but they were never going to know that this despondent college freshman had happened down this path in these woods this day and just by chance sat on this stump with their anthill at his feet.

I wondered if they might pass this story on for generations. How it might be embellished. How a teacher ant might explain this to a class of student ants. But I knew then that try as they may; try as hard as they could; even put their best minds together – they would never know what I knew so simply. It was me – I did it.

And I wasn’t God. To those ants it must have seemed as if I was. That could have even been their explanation — as I am assuming they were looking for one. And in that instant I made this simple connection. Maybe, just maybe, this tells me; shines a small faint glimpse of light, on my own enormous ignorance. Maybe I am really just as those ants – and the powerful, unexplained, unexplainable events in life are just out of my field of comprehension – out of any possible ability to experience or fathom — just as I had been to the ants. Suddenly that was the connection I had with this greater mystery. Just because I couldn’t understand it — just because I am so limited and finite, and, yes, human – I can’t know. And like those ants . . . if we were to put the smartest among us to deliberate for a thousand years we might not come one inch closer to knowing. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exit or that it is not knowable on some other level or that there isn’t a form to this greatest of great mysteries; perhaps this layer upon layer of mysteries – it just means that like the ants we are very limited in our ability to comprehend. The mystery is still there. That mystery which I chose to call – – – God.

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